If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
