you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
