Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Help me help you realize you are a moron
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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