dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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