Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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