You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
