Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
