and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
