Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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