i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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