everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
