I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
