They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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