We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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