Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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