from now on my penis is your penis
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
