My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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