He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Every concussion has its silver lining
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
