What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
