hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
