you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
