I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
