apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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