Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
