I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
