How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
