I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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