It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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