I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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