You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
