needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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