Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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