Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize