Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
