I want to walk on stilts...naked
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
