Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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