you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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