exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
