Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize