well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
