you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize