I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
