she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
