I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
