I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think people are normalizing furries
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
