dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
