you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
