youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
