Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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