I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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