she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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