I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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