Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
