Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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