garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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