If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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