Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Congratulations! We have a period
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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