I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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