I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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