you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
