We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
