Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
