so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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