I met the friendliest cop last night
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize