cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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