this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
