East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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