I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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