just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
