that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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