Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize